Tour de France & Gen AI humor
Gen AI can be terrifyingly funny.
Continuing the Gen AI experiments
I found this gem today.
and wondered what would a sommelier make of the tastes of the wines grown in the regions which host the Tour de France. As a lark, I asked ChatGPT":
Tour de France participants pee in wine country during races. Write a sommelier’s description of a wine that has developed a unique taste due to this phenomenon.
It came back with a series of posts and suggestions. I never thought Gen AI would get sarcasm, tongue-in-cheek, double entendre’, puns, and so on. Scary, eh?
Here’s the series
Certainly! Here's a sommelier’s tongue-in-cheek tasting note for such a unique *vintage*:
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**2024 Château Vélo Jaune – Appellation d’Origine Pipi Contrôlée**
*Region: Côte de Pisse-sur-Vigne, Burgundy*
**Tasting Notes:**
A daringly unconventional vintage, this wine exhibits a bold and rustic terroir, unmistakably shaped by its proximity to the Tour de France route during the summer of '24. On the nose, there’s a surprising waft of damp Lycra, crushed chamomile, and hints of sun-warmed asphalt. The mid-palate opens with a burst of unripe banana and warm electrolytes, transitioning gracefully into a complex finish of trampled grass, isotonic saline, and the subtle minerality of roadside gravel.
**Mouthfeel:**
Light-bodied but assertive, with a saline tang and a faint carbonic prickle — possibly from post-fermentation exertion. The tannins are lean and sinewy, not unlike the cyclists themselves.
**Pairing Suggestions:**
Pairs best with energy gels, protein bars, or a crisp baguette smuggled in a musette bag. Best enjoyed after a 90-kilometer ride or while shouting “Allez!” on a sun-drenched hillside.
**Drinking Window:**
Now through 2029, though early consumption is recommended before the urea-driven esters fade.
**Critic's Note:**
A rebellious wine that truly captures the... *spirit* of the peloton. Not for the faint of heart — or nose.
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Would you like a label design or fake reviews from elite sommeliers too?
Here are some delightfully absurd “expert” reviews for *2024 Château Vélo Jaune*:
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**Jean-Claude Rincebouche**, *Le Guide du Vin Naturel*
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
*"A wine that evokes the raw athleticism of man and nature in harmony—well, proximity. There’s a certain wild abandon to its bouquet, like a bidon flung at a roadside fan. Briny, brash, and brilliant."*
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**Gwyneth Palate**, *Sommelier & the Moon*
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
*"An experimental triumph. The terroir speaks—perhaps too loudly—but once you push past the initial nose of poly-blend shorts and chain grease, you’ll find a transcendent salinity rarely achieved outside of tears or the sea."*
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**Sir Malcolm Noseworthy**, *Decanter (UK)*
⭐️⭐️⭐️
*"Opens with top notes of warmed chamois and wild thyme, followed by an unmistakable hint of damp musette. The finish is long and unrelenting, like Stage 17 in a headwind. It tastes… like effort. I respect it more than I like it."*
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**Simone Fermente**, *Le Revue de l’Urinoir Vinicole*
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
*"Finally! A wine that acknowledges the contributions of hydration breaks to viticulture. Forget minerality—we’re talking *miner-urinality*. Vive le goût de la sueur!"*
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**Pascal d’Urine**, *Tour Tannins Monthly*
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
*"A pungent echo of cyclist camaraderie and roadside rebellion. Nose of asparagus, palate of yellow apple, and finish of collective exhaustion. Best served chilled… and with nose clips."*
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Would you like faux social media posts or a satirical wine club mailer next?
Absolutely. Here's a set of **faux social media posts** and a **satirical wine club mailer** featuring *2024 Château Vélo Jaune*:
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### 🍷 **Social Media Buzz**
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**@PelotonPourOver (X / Twitter)**
> Just cracked open a bottle of Château Vélo Jaune. Tastes like regret and victory. Pairs beautifully with saddle sores. #TourDeFrance #NaturalWine #Urin-Terroir
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**@VinoVeritasVegan (Instagram Story)**
> Day 12 of my no-sulfite challenge and this wild Burgundy just *pissed* all over my expectations 🍇🚴♂️
> 💛 Notes: golden raisins, bike grease, and electrolytes.
> 🌱Technically still vegan. I think.
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**@SommelierOnTheRun (TikTok)**
🎥 *\[video opens with a cyclist uncorking the bottle at the top of Mont Ventoux]*
> “I rode 85km for this. It's earthy. It’s salty. It’s... sweaty. Honestly? It slaps harder than a sidewind on Stage 10. 💦🍷🚴”
> *#VéloJauneChallenge #DecantOrDraft*
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**@ChateauSnob (Threads)**
> If you're not drinking wine aged in the ambiance of roadside urination, are you *really* into terroir? #bikefunk #chardonnayé
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### 🍇 **Wine Club Mailer: “From the Saddle to the Cellar”**
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**Dear Valued Member of Les Vins Sauvages**,
This July, we invite you to join us on a journey through **sweat, grit, and vineyard-side bladder relief** with our *most controversial pour yet*:
## **2024 Château Vélo Jaune – Côte de Pisse-sur-Vigne**
Harvested at the *exact* altitude where the peloton paused for relief near Saint-Romain, this vintage absorbs not only the rich mineral soils of Burgundy but also the *essence of human perseverance*.
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### This Month’s Box Includes:
* **1 bottle** of Vélo Jaune (with a Tour de France commemorative cap)
* A **crumpled race bib** from Stage 12 (wine-stained, of course)
* A sachet of **hydration salts** for pairing or marinating
* **Tasting notes** in scratch-and-sniff format (Warning: Side B is not for everyone)
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> *“You’ve tasted the terroir. Now experience the tinkle of tradition.”*
> – Jacques “Bladderoak” Merlot, Club Curator
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Would you like a satirical podcast episode intro or mock wine critic feud next?
Fantastic. Here’s a **satirical podcast intro** and a **mock wine critic feud** over *2024 Château Vélo Jaune*:
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## 🎙️ **Podcast Intro: "Corked & Unfiltered – Ep. 146: 'Urine for a Treat'"**
\[**Theme music fades in: a jazzy accordion riff with the clink of wine glasses**]
**HOST 1 (Alain):**
“Bonjour, fellow fermentation fanatics, and welcome to *Corked & Unfiltered*—the only wine podcast banned by three Burgundy appellations and one French mayor.”
**HOST 2 (Sasha):**
“And today’s episode is... *full-bodied*, if you know what I mean. We’re swirling our glasses around a bottle that’s causing quite the splash—literally.”
**HOST 1:**
“That’s right. *2024 Château Vélo Jaune*—the Tour de France vintage that’s as controversial as it is… pungent.”
**HOST 2:**
“Was it influenced by terroir or… Tour-oir? Can you decant a wine that smells like determination and damp spandex?”
**HOST 1:**
“We'll be uncorking the scandal, sniffing out the truth, and talking to the only sommelier who’s ever tasted it mid-race: Pascal d’Urine.”
**HOST 2:**
“Plus: our segment *Cork or Corked* returns, where we decide if Vélo Jaune is revolutionary… or just riding downhill without brakes.”
\[**Accordion theme plays again**]
**TOGETHER:**
“Stick around. It’s gonna be a wild ride—no training wheels.”
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## 🍷💥 **Mock Wine Critic Feud: Pascal d’Urine vs. Clarisse de Pinot**
**Clarisse de Pinot**, *author of “Wine Without Weirdness”*, wrote in *La Revue Élégante*:
> “*Vélo Jaune* is a disgrace to viniculture. I don’t care how biodynamic it claims to be—any wine that pairs better with chafing cream than Camembert is not worth cellaring.”
**Pascal d’Urine**, in response, posted on his Substack *"The Tannin Tantrum"*:
> “Clarisse once rated a wine fermented with yak milk a 94. Her palate is about as reliable as a wheelie in a headwind. Vélo Jaune is a sensory triumph! It’s not wine for sipping—it’s wine for surviving.”
**Clarisse replied on Threads:**
> “Pascal, darling, just because something makes your nose run and your eyes sting doesn't mean it’s ‘edgy.’ Sometimes it's just ammonia.”
**Pascal’s Instagram story the next day:**
> *\[Photo of him drinking Vélo Jaune straight from a bidon, shirtless]*
> “Clarisse couldn't handle this if it were served on a silver tasting spoon. Stay soft, Burgundy.”
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Want a fake ad jingle, a scandalous exposé headline, or a parody Michelin star chef review next?
Here’s when I stopped.
I’m gobsmacked!